So lame..

Today on my way to work on the high way in the car my CD player was screaming Darlene Zschech’s version of Agnus Dei.
If you want a song that can remind you how truely holy and worthy is the God we worship, this is it!
It’s December 30th, so I was reflecting on this past year, trying to think what I needed to work on in 2009. Of course with a song like that playing I 
couldn’t help but envision me changing the world in 2009 and thinking it was as easy as listening to a good song and just dreaming & believing it was that simple!

All that was just great, until some car just totally cut me off & I had to slam my breaks driving 70mph barely rescuing my front left fenders from
being crushed….

…It’s SCARY how fast everything that was going on inside me just evaporated, disappeared, just vanished!
The only thought I can think of is that I needed to catch up with that car. I would then give them this scary
look making myself look as mean as possible! Get them to think they just cut off the scariest serial killer in town! My look would then
penetrate their hearts and mind and make them repent and drive safely for the rest of my life…

As I was reaching to my gearstick to start downshifting to catch up I suddenly came to this realization…How lame did I think my God is!
My heart is so divided, I am so weak & helpless to think I am ready to change the world when I can hardly commit to spending some quality time with God when I’m “in the mood” driven by a good song playing.

I realized that in order to get to a point where I can live up to His expectations I need to do much more than just listen to some good music! I started praying protection from being just another lame ad-hoc Christian that lives an illusion of living in passion. The idea scares me!
I pray for a consistant true rock-solid passion that truely can change the world.

Trusting Christ…

Here is another thought that Ben’s recent talk made me realize…

If a good friend comes to you and requested to borrow some money for something crutial and then he/she return the money before the time they promised …. wouldn’t you trust them when they come back and request something else?? It’s that simple…You trust their word, because they proved it to you!

So if you believe that Jesus came, suffered, died, LOVED, cared enough to come once for you…why is it hard to belive that he will come again? Isn’t that common sense … It’s not just His word (which is more than enough) that He will come again but He also proved it by coming the first time……

Speak! Or forever hold your peace!

This is what’s been going on in my head recently….feels like an ocean of thoughts & ideas in my head. Been talking for a while about having the discipline to make it a habit to engage more….Engage what? Myself, my thoughts…my God!

Recently I was talking to my brother about how much time in life with no passion & no fruits! I keep thinking & hoping for things to change but I forget that I need to induce that…need to jump start it somehow…I trust God to lead it…to nurture it…

I feel that my greatest weakness lies within the separated thoughts and split mind/ideas that live within me…..when I am able to control and submit all that together….then is when I think GOD’s plan in my life will start to unfold..

Ahh..another post with no sense except to myself!!! I need to work on that..practice…..

“You’ve been more than a friend of me…..fight off my enemies…you spoken truth over my life….”….Christy Nockels